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It has been 143 days since the Patriots won the Super Bowl and will be another 70 sleeps until kickoff. The NBA and NHL seasons have ended, and baseball is boring. We’re in the dog days, folks.
If we’re being honest with each other, I have been itching to Power Rank. For some reason, ranking powerfulness just does it for me. I am jonesing like a crackhead to make a 1-10 list and give my opinion as to why things are slotted where. Rank is my crank… I can’t help it.
In order to feed the beast, I have decided to just rank other stuff… football-related or not. In the spirit of “not,” here are my power rankings of supporting characters from Showtime’s hit show Billions, based on their roles from other shows.
1. David Costabile (Wags) as Gale Boetticher in Breaking Bad
Mike Wagner is without a doubt the most electric (and depraved) character on this list, as every scene with him is a must-watch. We should all be so lucky to have a friend as loyal (and depraved) as Wags. That said, the highlight of Costabile’s career came as a meth scientist-by-day/karaoke legend-by-night. Honorable mention to his work as the Managing Editor of the Baltimore Sun in The Wire.
2. Kelly AuCoin (Dollar Bill) as Pastor Tim in The Americans
‘Dollar’ Bill Stearn may like to play fast & loose with SEC regulations, but when AuCoin changes characters he also adjusts his moral compass. I don’t know what it is about Pastor Tim that I hate so much, but if I had to guess I would say that it’s his hideous wig. Or his terrible turtlenecks. Or maybe his Jesus Freakishness. Or maybe everything about him. Either way, it took me two seasons of each show to realize that it was the same person, h/t to the actor for pulling both off.
3. Asia Kate Dillon (Taylor) as the white supremacist in Orange is the New Black
AKD is by far my favorite non-binary person who acts on television in 2017. They absolutely kill it as both a genius analyst and a witty Nazi prisoner. Their pronouns still confuse the fuck out of me, but the range and charisma is undeniable.
4. Jeffrey DeMunn (Chuck Sr.) as Dale in The Walking Dead
Dale died so long ago in the zombie apocalypse that I forgot he ever existed. That is until Chuck Sr. starts to lose his mind over a stock market disaster and I remembered the crazy old dude who was killed by walkers back on that terrible farm season. RIP Dale, I guess.
5. Toby Leonard Moore (Bryan Connerty) as James Wesley in Daredevil
Some of the actors on this list have incredible range. The same cannot be said for the dude who works as the #2 to a powerful guy and wears the same glasses, suit, and emotions in every scene he acts in, despite which show he’s on. Sorry buddy, but you may want to change it up for your next role unless you want to be permanently typecast. Or just lose the specs and play Jared Kushner in the Trump TV movie, either one.
6. Glenn Fleshler (Orrin) as George Remus in Boardwalk Empire
Flesher plays an attorney in both shows, one who moonlights as a bootlegger and the other as consiglieri to a billionaire hedge fund honcho. Both characters are fine, but he makes the list because of a third role, as Errol Childress in True Detective. I won’t spoil the show if you haven’t seen it yet, but he appears as a groundskeeper in the third episode, then we find out at the end that he is the killer. In the finale’s climax, he is shot dead by Matthew McConaughey. It aired in 2014, your fault for waiting this long.
7. Daniel Cosgrove (Dan Margolis) as Matt Durning in Beverly Hills 90210
Little known fact, but The Prompt’s resident NFL power ranker was also a HUGE 90210 guy back in the day. Matt was not one of my favorite characters, definitely not good enough for Kelly, and I cheered along as Dylan cucked the shit out of him. Cum to think of it, Cosgrove also ate a jizz-filled cannoli in Van Wilder. Guy has had a tough go of it.
8. Mary-Louise Parker (George Minchak) as Nancy Botwin in Weeds
Nancy Botwin is a first-ballot hall of fame cougar and deserves a spot on the Mount Rushmore of TV MILFs*. She’s only in Billions for a few scenes but slays in each as expected.
(* = Alongside Tami Taylor and Kirsten Cohen (both on The Prompt’s list of Best TV Moms of All Time), and the legendary Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis.)
9. Nathan Darrow (Mick Danzig) as Edward Meechum in House of Cards
Not many actors can say they’ve had a threesome with Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright, so props to this guy. I don’t really remember much about Danzig but Meechum is certainly a character that you know will have your back.
10. Arthur J. Nascarala (Bruno) as Carlo Gervasi in The Sopranos
Whether he is running a mob crew in Jersey or a pizza parlor in Queens, this Irish/Swedish actor always brings his stugots to the set and makes you feel like he’s a friend of yours.
Also Receiving Votes:
Terry Kinney (Hall) as Tim McManus in Oz, Steven Pasquale (Chase) as Sean Garrity in Rescue Me, Stephen Kunken (Spyros) as Harry in The Affair, Dan Soder (Mafee) in his stand-up comedy, and Jerry O’Connell as Jerry O’Connell in an underrated career
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