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Like millions of fans worldwide, I love a certain space-based saga that takes place a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Yes, I love Star Wars. “Love” actually seems a little bit of an understatement writing it now, but this piece isn’t about Star Wars.
What if I told you that I loved a different Lucasfilm-produced franchise… first?
Way before I got hooked on Star Wars, I fell in love with the Indiana Jones movies.
I believe I saw them when I was around 5 or 6 years old. Recently, while considering the age at which I first got a taste of the Indy franchise, I was watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, and wondered how far into the movie’s opening that you first see anything gory. Nothing really scary happens for awhile, I thought. Alfred Molina doesn’t die until around the 10 minute mark, I thought. (Also, sorry, I’m not sorry, for spoiling the opening of Raiders, a movie which premiered in 1981.)
Ten minutes was a generous estimate by my exaggerating brain. A mere 5 minutes into Raiders, we first see the bloodied, pierced body of Forrestal, Indy’s rival archaeologist, who stepped into the light and died via booby-trapped spikes. You see spikes going straight through this guy’s face.
Five minutes into Raiders of the Lost Ark, and there’s a scary, gross looking dead guy!
So I was probably—okay, definitely—too young to see this trilogy when I did, but I was hooked on the intoxicating combination of adventure, history, and Harrison Ford from the get-go. Becoming an early adopter of the power of the phrase, “You can’t be it if you can’t see it,” I dressed as Indiana Jones for Halloween one year.
How old do I look here? Six? Seven? Thirty-nine?
This is still one of my favorite Halloween costumes. I painted the plastic fedora myself.
My parents wouldn’t let me play with the pretend whip and strongly emphasized that it wasn’t a toy. I remember being concerned by the fact that I was wearing sneakers for trick-or-treating, because Indiana Jones doesn’t wear sneakers. I can’t remember if the bloody lip was real or some fruit punch I used to make it look like I had been punched in the face. Yes, I have always been this committed.
During the elementary school stage of my obsession, I remember one of my friends went to Disneyland for vacation. Knowing my deep love for all things Henry Jones, Jr., my friend told me that Disneyland operates an Indiana Jones ride. It was at that moment when I found the Indiana Jones ride was my equivalent of the Ark of the Covenant, the Sankara stones, and the Holy Grail combined.
I remember being supremely jealous and asking my friend to give me specifics on what happened during the ride. Did it line up more with the mine cart chase in Temple of Doom? Could it be a water ride, like the boat chase in Venice in The Last Crusade? All I got from my fellow 1st grade compadre was, “There’s a big rock that chases you,” which, of course, is from Raiders of the Lost Ark. I was dying to experience this ride for myself, pun intended. You know, because of all the violent death and curses in Indiana Jones.
Flash forward to me at 13, heading to Disney World for the first time.
Disney World does not have an Indiana Jones ride, but rather, a stunt show experience, where actors reenact the scene from Raiders where Indy and Marion fight/escape from Nazis in and around planes and fuel and explosions. While this satisfied my love for all things Indy, it wasn’t the ride.
Flash forward again to me at 22, when I moved to LA.
Disneyland, located in sunny Anaheim, California, is just a quick one-hour commute from the City of Angels. I was finally going to go on the Indiana Jones ride. And let me tell you, it lived up to the hype.
Now, at age 26, after living in LA for almost 5 years, the Indy ride is my favorite at Disneyland.
It’s immersive, well-crafted, slightly scary, and really fun. It goes fast and jerks you around as the Indiana Jones theme blasts in your ears. An animatronic Indy pops up throughout the ride, definitely not voiced by Harrison Ford, but it’s still pretty great. The line is even fun to stand in, styled like a hidden jungle (and located next to another great ride, the Jungle Cruise).
The Indiana Jones ride both pays homage to the franchise by featuring familiar Indy iconography like snakes, poison darts, skulls, and fire. The ride also expands on this by creating a new adventure and location (the Temple of the Forbidden Eye) for you to experience on your own… and, I imagine, is enjoyable for people who haven’t seen the Indiana Jones movies between 50 and 500 times.
Something you won’t be asking on the Indiana Jones ride is “Does that look like quicksand to you?”
Full disclosure: there isn’t quicksand on the Indiana Jones ride. If you’ll recall, there is a pivotal scene involving quicksand in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull where Indy has to get pulled out of quicksand using a snake, played for comedic effect. Maybe they’ll update the ride in the future to add this scene.
Quicksand aside, I have a tendency to emphasize… overstate… use hyperbole. However you put it, I tend to build things up in my mind and for others. But the Indiana Jones ride proves to me that sometimes, things that you’ve waited your entire life to experience live up to the immeasurable hype.
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